MY LIL RED DRESS

Cheating Husband

I’d compare the pain of learning that your you’ve got a cheating husband to having your arm gnawed off…while you’re awake. Of course, I’ve never had my arm gnawed off. And, come to think of it, I’ve never caught my husband cheating either. But, I’ve sat with enough friends through endless nights of tears and gut-wrenching pain to know that learning about a cheating husband is an extremely painful experience.

After getting over the initial shock of learning that your husband has cheated on you, you’ve got decisions to make. Among them is whether or not you’ll stay in your marriage. I’ve seen friends stay and I’ve actually helped friends leave. Lots of things have affected their decisions, and if you’re in this unfortunate position, there will likely be lots of things that affect your decision as well.

If you’ve got a cheating husband and you are in the process of deciding whether to stay or leave, I hope these tips will help you as you make up your mind.

~ How did you find out that your husband was cheating on you? In my opinion this is pretty important. A husband that comes to you and admits what he’s done scores major points in the “stay” category. A husband that continues to deny his affair even after you’ve found him in bed with his mistress is likely a career cheater and is a big fat liar on top of it all.

~ Is this the first time that your husband has cheated on you? I’d be more likely to forgive my husband if it was a one time mistake. This one speaks for itself. A woman that takes her husband back time after time is only asking to be cheated on. If you end up staying with your husband after he’s cheated on you multiple times, you might as well save your agony and have an open marriage.

~ Is your husband open to marriage counseling? A cheating husband who is willing to do what it takes to work on the marriage stands a far better chance of not cheating again.

~ Can you forgive him? Even if you stay with your husband, you probably won’t be able to forgive him immediately. There’s lots of pain that has to be worked through. However, if you can’t forgive him ever or if you’ll hold his cheating over his head every time you have a problem in your marriage, it’s better for everyone involved if you let go. Your inability to forgive will eventually ruin your marriage.

Whatever you decide to do, do it for the right reasons and do what’s best for you! I’ve had a few friends who have stayed simply because they don’t think that anyone else will ever want them. This is the worst possible reason that you could stay with a cheating husband. I’m afraid that it happens a lot. Please, don’t let it happen to you.

If you’re reading this and you’ve just found out that your husband cheated on you, please, take care of yourself first!

I’m a big fan of books, so you know I’ve got some suggested reading for anyone who find themselves in this unfortunate situation.

My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me: I love this book. It’s written from the perspective of a husband, wife, and their teenage daughter as they move through the aftermath of an affair. The couple who wrote the book decided to stay together, but it’s a great read for anyone who is dealing with an affair.

Infidelity: A Survival Guide: This book is exactly what the name implies – a survival guide for anyone who is dealing with the pain that results from a cheating spouse. The author has the uncanny ability to really understand what you are probably feeling and to provide suggestions to help you move on.

If you’ve been through an affair and came out on the other end, share your experiences. Let us know what’s helped you – hopefully you can help someone else.

Originally posted 2009-02-17 23:42:05. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Date Night Ideas

If you are married, I highly recommend setting up a weekly date night with your spouse. Think back to the years when you were dating – I’m willing to bet that if you’ve passed the honeymoon phase of your marriage, you have started to forget what it was like to date your spouse.

As things like work, kids, and life get in the way a marriage begins to suffer. Before you know it, you realize that you hardly talk anymore, unless it’s about bills, work, or the kids. There’s simply not the time to talk about the things that used to thrill us about our spouse.

In my marriage, part of the answer has been to implement a regular date night. My husband and I set aside a night each week that is just for us. We don’t talk about our kids, we don’t talk about work, and we don’t talk about bills. In all honesty, at first there wasn’t much to talk about at all. How sad is that? We had gotten so used to talking about the day-to-day stuff that we didn’t know what to talk about when we couldn’t discuss the mundane.

However, after awhile, an amazing thing started to happen. We found things to talk about. We started talking about our dreams and our goals again. We talked about all of the things that we used to talk about…before we were married.

If you’d like to start a date night, but don’t know what to do, I’ll gladly share some of my date night ideas to get you on the right track.

~ Dinner is always a great way to spend time together. It allows you to talk and once you have children, there’s something amazing to go out alone – with no interruptions.

~ In the summer, my husband and I like to pack a picnic and go out to the beach. A lake or other park works just as well.

~ Both my husband and I love music, so we sometimes find a good band at a local bar and enjoy music and dancing…just like when we were dating!

~ Sometimes we really splurge and do something fun. Since we live in Hawaii, we’ve been on a dinner cruise, to a luau, and to a crab dinner on the beach at a local hotel.

~ If you like sports, a game of basketball can be a great way to spend time together while also releasing tension.

~ I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but my husband and I love to play the Wii. On date nights when we aren’t necessarily pleased with each other – a good boxing match does wonders when it comes to easing our tensions.

~ Visit a local museum or your local planetarium.

~ Find a place far from the city and just look at stars – bring a nice bottle of wine.

~ We once went to Build-a-Bear. That was my favorite date night ever, even though my husband thought it was slightly cheesy.

~ Make sure you take a trip to the local carnival when it’s in town. Pretend you are back in high school and dating again.

~ How about ice skating? If you don’t know how, learn together.

~ Make a day of it and go to a local amusement park. Again, pretend that you’re dating again. Hold hands in line and feed each other cotton candy.

There are hundreds more date night ideas. Get creative and have fun. Get to know each other again and learn things that you never knew!

For more date night ideas and information about why date night is so important for married couples, check out two great books:

~ 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate: This is a great book full of ideas for fun and exciting dates with your spouse. It’s also a great wedding gift for newlyweds.

~ Date Night in a Minivan: Revving Up Your Marriage after Kids Arrive: If you’re married with kids, this is a definite must read. It teaches you how to keep the fires burning while taking care of your family. After three kids and years of marriage, my husband and I hardly talked. I think many parents are like us. Make sure that your relationship gets the attention it deserves!

What are you doing for your date nights? Share your stories and give others ideas for their own marriages. Check back for more great relationship tips often, or sign up for our RSS feed to get updates when we add new information.

Originally posted 2009-02-07 01:53:22. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Love and Marriage

But now it’s been a few years and that “weak in the knees” feeling has completely gone away…some days you might even have a hard time remembering why you fell in love in the first place. Maybe you’ve had a few kids and all of your time is dedicated to them, or you both work demanding jobs – if you are like the majority of couples, both are probably true. It’s hard to stay in love when you have so much going on.

However, it’s important to keep the love alive in order to keep your marriage healthy. Bored couples that no longer talk eventually become unfaithful, or bitter, or a host of other things. Even if things don’t get really bad, you are mostly likely going through life without really feeling fulfilled and when you think about it, that’s really sad.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. Staying in love after marriage can happen – I know some people who have been extremely successful at it…I’m trying really hard to be one of those people.

You’ve seen them. They hold hands when they are out in public, they still look at each other like they are in love, they tell each other secrets. And you know you can’t help but wonder if they still have a really robust sex life.

The question is, “How the heck do they do it?” It’s not that hard, but it will take work. The first and most important thing you have to do if you want to keep the love alive after marriage is to make your marriage a priority. That means that you’ve got to find time to spend on your spouse, even though there are a million other things competing for your attention.

Some other tips that will help you stay in love after you are married include:

~ Set up a date night EVERY WEEK and stick to it. Get a sitter for the kids and get out of the house together.

~ Make sure that both of you have time to explore your interests outside of marriage and your family. If your husband goes out every week to play poker with the guys or spends every Saturday golfing or fishing and you feel that you have no outlet to do the things that you want to do, you’ll likely end up feeling irritated and bitter. Each spouse needs to find fulfillment in life to also find it in the marriage.

~ Spend at least 20 minutes a day talking to each other. Talk about something other than your kids or all the things that went wrong that day.

~ Show affection. Often, affection after marriage becomes a weekly (or monthly) sex date. Beyond that one marital responsibility, many couples hardly touch at all. Make it a point to kiss your husband before you leave for work in the morning and when you get home. Hold hands when you are out, give each other hugs, etc.

~ Talk when you have a problem. So often, we don’t say anything when we are upset. We let it go, thinking that we’ll just get over it. Unfortunately, what’s really happening is that we are building a wall that gets bigger and taller each time something happens.

~ Get professional help if you need it.

For a good read, check out How to Love Your Marriage: Making Your Closest Relationship Work. It’s a great book that tackles real issues that many couples face and provides real solutions. It looks past the fluff and gets to the meat of the issue. If you feel like your marriage needs more than date nights and time to talk, and your relationship is really in trouble, this is a great book for you.

What are you doing to keep the love alive in your marriage? Share what works for you so others can find the same happiness in their relationships.

As always, thanks for reading…

Originally posted 2009-02-23 19:07:19. Republished by Blog Post Promoter