MY LIL RED DRESS

So you’ve found your guy cheating and after contemplating serious bodily harm, you’ve either decided to stay with him or you’ve left his no-good lying, dirty rotten, behind in the dust, but you’re still upset about the other woman.

If you are like most women, you obsess over her. You wonder if she’s prettier than you, better in bed than you, funnier than you…on and on it goes, a million thoughts constantly invade your brain and no matter what you do, you can’t make them stop.

Just like most women, you probably also think about confronting her. You’ve probably got a thing (or ten!) that you’d like to tell her, and really, who can blame you?

But, even after all the hell that you’ve been through, you still have some common sense left, and a part of you wonders if confronting the other woman is the right thing to do.

There’s a few things that you may want to think about before deciding whether a confrontation is what’s right for you:

1. How is the confrontation going to benefit you? Right now, you’ve got to make your yourself your very top priority. Is talking to this woman going to give you closure? Is it going to make you feel better? Now ask yourself if you’ll still feel better if she won’t answer your questions? Or worse, how will it make you feel if she goes into intimate detail about her relationship with your husband? You can’t control how she reacts to you – so if her reaction, or lack of one, is going to cause you more pain, then a confrontation may not be the best option.

2. Was she a friend? I think that it’s important to remember that, unless the other woman was a friend of yours, she really didn’t have any obligation to you. Your husband, on the other hand, did. A lot of my friends get really mad at the other woman, while letting their husbands almost completely off the hook, making excuses like, “That’s what men do.” What?!?! In my world, men who do that end up on curbs. But, seriously, don’t shift blame from your husband to this other woman. If you are planning on confronting her because you think “it’s all her fault,” it may not be the best thing to do. On the other hand, if she was a friend of yours, then she, too, had an obligation not to sleep with your husband. In that case, a confrontation is almost unavoidable.

3. Is your husband still seeing her? If you are planning a confrontation to get her to stop seeing your husband, it’s probably not a wise idea. Seriously, if your husband is still cheating on you, do you really want him back? If you do, it’s time to think about your motives and to spend some time working on your self-esteem.

I guess I made it sound as if confronting the other woman is never a good idea, and I don’t necessarily think that. There are times when a confrontation may be a good thing. If it’s going to help you in your healing process, then by all means, tell her how her involvement with your husband affected your life. Just don’t set your expectations very high – meaning, she’s not likely to see the situation the same way as you do.

If you’ve decided to confront her, it’s also smart to think about how you’ll do it before you run off and start a fight. Writing a letter or an email may be better than a face-to-face confrontation because it will allow you to say what you want to say without any interruption. Another benefit is that it will allow you to actually think about what you are saying before it all comes flying out of your mouth. If you are anything like me…that’s a serious benefit!

Has your husband cheated on you? Did you know the other woman? Did you confront her? How did it go? We’d love to hear about it!

Originally posted 2009-03-02 22:33:45. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Cheating Husband

I’d compare the pain of learning that your you’ve got a cheating husband to having your arm gnawed off…while you’re awake. Of course, I’ve never had my arm gnawed off. And, come to think of it, I’ve never caught my husband cheating either. But, I’ve sat with enough friends through endless nights of tears and gut-wrenching pain to know that learning about a cheating husband is an extremely painful experience.

After getting over the initial shock of learning that your husband has cheated on you, you’ve got decisions to make. Among them is whether or not you’ll stay in your marriage. I’ve seen friends stay and I’ve actually helped friends leave. Lots of things have affected their decisions, and if you’re in this unfortunate position, there will likely be lots of things that affect your decision as well.

If you’ve got a cheating husband and you are in the process of deciding whether to stay or leave, I hope these tips will help you as you make up your mind.

~ How did you find out that your husband was cheating on you? In my opinion this is pretty important. A husband that comes to you and admits what he’s done scores major points in the “stay” category. A husband that continues to deny his affair even after you’ve found him in bed with his mistress is likely a career cheater and is a big fat liar on top of it all.

~ Is this the first time that your husband has cheated on you? I’d be more likely to forgive my husband if it was a one time mistake. This one speaks for itself. A woman that takes her husband back time after time is only asking to be cheated on. If you end up staying with your husband after he’s cheated on you multiple times, you might as well save your agony and have an open marriage.

~ Is your husband open to marriage counseling? A cheating husband who is willing to do what it takes to work on the marriage stands a far better chance of not cheating again.

~ Can you forgive him? Even if you stay with your husband, you probably won’t be able to forgive him immediately. There’s lots of pain that has to be worked through. However, if you can’t forgive him ever or if you’ll hold his cheating over his head every time you have a problem in your marriage, it’s better for everyone involved if you let go. Your inability to forgive will eventually ruin your marriage.

Whatever you decide to do, do it for the right reasons and do what’s best for you! I’ve had a few friends who have stayed simply because they don’t think that anyone else will ever want them. This is the worst possible reason that you could stay with a cheating husband. I’m afraid that it happens a lot. Please, don’t let it happen to you.

If you’re reading this and you’ve just found out that your husband cheated on you, please, take care of yourself first!

I’m a big fan of books, so you know I’ve got some suggested reading for anyone who find themselves in this unfortunate situation.

My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me: I love this book. It’s written from the perspective of a husband, wife, and their teenage daughter as they move through the aftermath of an affair. The couple who wrote the book decided to stay together, but it’s a great read for anyone who is dealing with an affair.

Infidelity: A Survival Guide: This book is exactly what the name implies – a survival guide for anyone who is dealing with the pain that results from a cheating spouse. The author has the uncanny ability to really understand what you are probably feeling and to provide suggestions to help you move on.

If you’ve been through an affair and came out on the other end, share your experiences. Let us know what’s helped you – hopefully you can help someone else.

Originally posted 2009-02-17 23:42:05. Republished by Blog Post Promoter